Men

The nation mourns. The students protest. The public is seething with anger. The society is demanding justice. All this is farce; pure travesty; and unmitigated bullshit bordering on pathetic sham. A girl is dead. She was raped by six. And killed by all of us. Can we guys stop protesting for a minute; can we men look at ourselves for a second. If we do, and do so dispassionately, we will realize we are as much rapists as the six monsters on that fateful day in that wretched city of New Delhi. We condemn rape, as it should rightfully be. But don’t most of us rape women with our eyes? Stand on the road for a minute and look at how we men look at women. Look at the way most of us men monsters stare at woman as if we have never seen one before. Aren’t we rapists ourselves? What right do we have to condemn the six men in that bus? If some of us were in that bus that day, how many among us can say for sure that we wouldn’t have joined in that barbaric act ourselves? Don’t cheat yourself and answer this question honestly. How many of us even look at women – even if they are our friends, colleagues or classmates – in a way that would be truly platonic. How many of us would even be faithful to ourselves and admit ‘yes, I do see my own friends, colleagues and classmates in ways that I can’t admit to them’? If so, what right do we have condemning the six monsters whom we want hanged. How many of us treat woman as equals? If you think we do, then why do all abusive words in English or any Indian language have to involve woman? Why does it have to be son of a B*****? Why do we have to call someone B******? Why does it have to be Banc*****? No, we don’t treat woman as equals. For us, they are just..........bitches! People say they are ashamed at the incident; that they are ashamed to be Indian. I feel ashamed too. Not at the incident. Not for being an Indian. For being a man. I am ashamed at being part of a gender that rapes. I am ashamed of being part of a sex that brutalizes woman with eyes, hands, thoughts and words. Yes sir, I am ashamed for being a man. I want to unashamedly accept it without any compunction. And for all those men who claim the six rapists were animals to have committed that barbaric crime, please stop calling them animals. Coz animals don’t rape. It’s just men like you and me who do. What a shame. We have stooped even lower than animals. In all this, my heart goes out to that girl who grew up with so many dreams only to be destroyed by six men – men just like me and you. I have never seen that girl nor will I ever see her. Even if I could, I don’t know if I will ever have the heart to face her. My dear sister……………………sleep well in heaven. I hope there are no men around there.

No sense of humour

Looking at a human skull on the ground, he comments, ‘hey, look at this, here is someone who has died smiling’! Referring to his Thalai ezhuthu (Tamil equivalent of fate) the guy comments pointing to his forehead, “so little space, but look at how much has been written here.”

The owner of many a comment like these, Nagesh, arguably the best comedian and character actor of all times, is no more. I hope they are just lying. I wish I hadn’t heard the news.

Humour and life seem to have no sense.

Nagesh was the most versatile character I have ever seen. Unless of course, he chooses to be born again and come back with another name. He had the slapstick of Charlie Chaplin; the repartee of Groucho Marx; the flair of P.G. Woodhouse; the breeziness of Author Sujatha; the sarcasm of Cho Ramaswamy; the gentleness of R.K. Laxman; the depth of Sivaji Ganesan; and much more that I don’t find equals.

Simply put, he was reason why I laughed!

He played multiple roles in cinema: comedian, character roles, hero, villain and, my god, even a corpse! Needless to say, he excelled in every one of them. I couldn’t find anyone in the history of world cinema who could parallel that or the man himself.

In Neer Kumizhi, where he played the role of a dying cancer patient, Nagesh constantly runs around and creates comical havoc in the hospital. The chief doctor of the hospital, all along believes that Nagesh doesn’t know that he has cancer and one day loses his temper at the tantrums thrown by Nagesh and screams at him for not resting and listening to his advice. Nagesh smiles and replies, “Relax Doctor, life is sweet,” And with a pause adds, “…when it is short.”

Hard to believe that immortal genius is dead.

Sleep well my dear Nagesh. And thanks a ton for making me laugh all these years.

But for this one moment alone, allow me to cry.

Scam at work. Go slow.

Yet another scam has surfaced. Yet again the D.M.K is involved - a party that conceived, created and has consistently nurtured corruption in Tamil Nadu over the years it (mis)ruled it. This one involves the Communication and Information Technology Minister, A. Raja.

On Jan 10th the telecom ministry awarded 2G spectrum licenses for Rs.9,000 crores. It has been alleged that this amounted to severe under pricing, causing a loss of almost of Rs.51,000 crores to the exchequer. Now, why is there suspicion that it has been undersold? Two companies - Swan and Unitech – that were awarded licenses had invested Rs.1,537 crores and Rs.1,651 crores respectively on acquiring the spectrum. These two companies have recently received enterprise valuations of Rs.9,400 crores and Rs.11,620 crores.

Is it a big deal?

Bloody big deal alright. These two companies have received these valuations even though they have no telecom infrastructure or cash flows or, hold your breath, customers. Yes, no business, no set up, no customers, yet these two companies have got valuations ten times the amount they paid the Government. Not to put too fine a point on it, the Government had undersold and gets to lose enough money that could have wiped out a significant portion of the budget deficit. That could have saved you and me a few rupees of excess tax next year.

If this isn’t a scam, then Mother Teresa was a rock star!

Never mind Raja is denying all this and has even offered to resign. You don’t expect anything less from him anyway. But the interesting thing is what his party boss - the Thief minister of Tamil Nadu, Karunanidhi – had to say in defense. “Raja has already explained that all the actions in his ministry have the approval of the Prime Minster.”

So, what is he trying to tell us? That if there is a scam here, then the P.M knows about it. Or even worse, blame the P.M for it instead.

And Karunanidhi being Karunanidhi, he lets out another gem, again in defense of his party minister. “Even the CPI (M)’s trade union in the BSNL had supported the Minster”. From when did the CPI (M)’s trade union become a sitting judge to pass verdicts? Some logic.

But the icing on the cake was what Karunanidhi said next. “Raja belongs to the Scheduled Caste, had studied and progressed in life surmounting many huge obstacles and now is a Union Minster.”

So what is he inferring? That we should not question the deeds of someone if he happens to belong to the scheduled caste? Or that when a scheduled caste person is made a Union Minister we should be gracious enough to forgive and forget these petty things?

Even if it involves a tiny sum of Rs.51,000 crores?

The Third Front

Post the UPA wining the trust vote, there is this renewed interest in the Third Front – a rag tag collusion of parties viz., Communists, BSP, Telugu Desam, Janata Dal (S) and more.

The thing that’s funny to me is how the stupid media views them and more so their prospects. An article in the Economic Times had this to say: ‘Third Front to affect BJP’s and Congress’ fortunes’ in the forthcoming Lok Sabha poll.

How, I wonder?

What can a rag tag group, consisting of parties who are largely state-specific, do in a Lok Sabha election? Do you really think Mayawati’s BSP by aligning with TDP could help TDP garner more votes in Andhra Pradesh? Or for that matter, Janata Dal (S) could positively affect the poll outcomes of the Communists in West Bengal?

It’s absolute nonsense to think the Third Front would affect the polls. To paraphrase the brilliant Cho Ramaswamy, political analyst who said – ‘the Third Front has been aptly named. A political force that would end up third – after the BJP and the Congress’!

It’s all about money, Dhoni!

There’s been a lot of praise for Mahindra Singh Dhoni who opted to rest and make himself unavailable for the Sri Lankan tour.

Many ex-professionals and the press have praised Dhoni – for his confidence. Here is a guy who wanted rest and took it. He was supremely confident of his place in the team that he knew he would get back into the team when he wanted to. There were others who said Dhoni has the Indian team’s pride at heart. Which is why when he was not 100% fit he rather chose to rest than hide it and play at half his strength.

Well done, Dhoni! You are the new face of the emerging Indian generation.

Now, hang on for a minute. This Sri Lankan tour was scheduled long ago. Even before Dhoni knew he had to travel to Australia and play for a couple of months. Even before Dhoni knew he had to travel to Bangladesh to play in the Kitply tournament. Even before Dhoni knew he had to go and play in Pakistan in the Asia Cup. And even before he knew he had to play for Chennai Super Kings in the IPL 20-20.

If Dhoni wore his country’s pride on his sleeve and would never do anything to let his country down, shouldn’t he have opted out of the 20-20? Shouldn’t he have been thinking: “Hey, I have a long and arduous schedule ahead. My country needs me. I would have to be at my best every time I played for the country. So, let me opt out of this stupid IPL 20-20 nonsense. It’s a local tournament anyway. The country needs me more than Chennai does.”

If he were to think that way he would have opted out of the IPL 20-20. Not from the Sri Lankan tour.

He didn’t because the $1 million plus he would be getting from Chennai Super Kings lured him. As far as the Sri Lankan tour was concerned, he would be getting his money anyway thanks to his annual contract with BCCI. There was nothing for him to lose.

So, he took the simpler way out: Get the money. Take some rest. Maybe, use the time productively to do a few more ads.

Let him opt out whenever he feels so. It’s his prerogative. But let the cricket fans realize it’s not about country, pride and all that old-fashioned jazz.

It’s all about money, honey!

The IPL Plenty-20

The IPL 20-20 Show has drawn to a close. People, press and the pros have said a lot about this tournament. But here are the 20 things that stood out to me – that very few, if at all any, noticed; far less spoke or wrote about.

Here is my 20-Plenty. From the sublime to the ridiculous.

1. If IPL is termed a success, never mind if it is for the right reasons or not, there is a lesson for the administrators if they seriously want to promote first class cricket in India. If marketed well, the crowds would turn up even for Ranji trophy or the Duleep and Deodhar trophies. Is someone in the BCCI listening?

2. None of the Indian players complained about too-many-matches-no-rest-burn-out and what not. This has been their oft-repeated quote when they lost matches. But not here; not now. IPL fee was money for their jam, you see!

3. What a piece of crap, this cheerleader stuff. We Indians are easily aroused by a cricket ball, thank you. We don’t need any more attractive pairs under a skimpy costume to get us up and running.

4. Did you notice the IPL Chairman was out there in the all the matches – more so when Punjab Kings XI was playing. Did you notice how much he was up close with Preity Zinta? Boy, he was really having a ball (no pun intended).

5. Talking about Preity Zinta, we now she loves cricket. We also now know she can clap; can cheer; and to top it all, come to a show completely dressed!

6. Have you ever seen a match, involving Indian cricketers, where the fielding was as good as we saw? Damn the entrenched old-legends in our Test and ODI teams. The local kids were falling all over the park making us wonder if the grounds were slippery.

7. Do you really think our old legends can’t field coz’ of their age. Then how come the 35+ International stars viz., Mathew Hayden, Shane Warne et al field as well as they did. It is due to an old fashioned word called ‘commitment’. Humiliating when you compare their fielding with our veterans who can run and fall down only when they do ads!

8. Everyone kept talking about how good the tournament has been for the young Indian cricketers who got a chance to interact with senior International stars. Fine; but on the other hand, why hasn’t anyone talked about all those International stars who got to practice Indian bowlers on Indian tracks and get well acclimatized to our conditions. Imagine how much it would have benefited Ricky Ponting to practice Ishant Sharma in the nets – day in and day out!

9. IPL yet again proved how Sachin Tendulkar while he may still be (erroneously) claimed a great batsman, has been and will remain just a poor sport. Post Mumbai Indian’s defeat against King’s XI in a crucial match, he complained about umpiring errors in a post-match press conference. Apparently a couple of decisions went against their team and they lost by 1 run. But what about umpiring errors that went in favour of them in their previous matches? Well, he didn’t comment but would have instead said they are part of the game!

10. Yuvaraj indicted Mumbai crowd, in a post-match presentation, for not supporting them when King’s XI played there. He said, “Mumbai crowd was partisan and they forgot a few of us in Punjab play for India.” Damn it Yuvi, that’s what happens in Ranji Trophy, Duleep Trophy or Deodhar Trophy matches. When a Banglorean watches a Ranji Trophy, he will support Karnataka, even if the opponent is Delhi that might have more than a few players playing for India.

11. Staying on the subject of crowd behaviour, Madras once again proved, as if further proof was ever necessary, why when it comes to crowd behaviour, they are light years ahead of every other city in India or for that matter any other in the world. They cheered for their home team – Super Kings alright – yet appreciated good cricket even if it came from the bat or ball of the opponents – as they have always done all these years.

12. Not just this IPL, I wonder why, any major tournament played in India – the finals are either played at Kolkata – the ruffian Nandigram nincompoops – or Mumbai – the partisan people (not my description, but Yuvaraj’s). Why not Madras? Here is a crowd that genuinely loves cricket – how many cities in India can actually claim that? They love the game for what it is. It has one of the most sporting pitches in India – good bounce for the fast bowlers, a hint of turn for the spinners and a good deck for the batsmen who can play on the rise. Moreover, Madras’s M.A. Chidambaram stadium, and most of it don’t know this fact, is the first fully covered stadium in the world. What more do you need for a great cricket match? Let BCCI or IPL seriously look at having the next final here in my hometown!

13. If Harbhajan Singh can slap Sreesanth knowing fully well he was being watched by fifty thousand people on the ground and millions on T.V, am I to believe he wouldn’t have called Andrew Symonds a ‘monkey’ in the middle of the pitch in far off Australia? Harbhajan would have said it and all of us, media included, cried from our rooftops supporting this rogue. Shame on all of us.

14. Everyone raves about the big hitting in IPL; the sixes rain and the boundary showers. But did you notice the boundary lines had gotten shorter? The ropes were roped in. As such the 75 yards grounds have been getting smaller with increasing commercialization of cricket. But IPL took it to another league. I could see the ropes getting in by a good 10 yards or so in most grounds - so there would be more sixes and a flurry of fours. What this would do, apart from the brutal nature of 20-20 batting, is stop any youngster dream of being the next Shane Warne or Muthiah Muralidharan. Spin would be sin, very soon!

15. More women watched IPL. The fairer sex who always complained about how their husbands were being glued to cricket didn’t mind getting a bit glued to IPL themselves. They were there to get a glimpse of their favourite film stars, not for the cricket. Women won’t change!

16. For all the glitz and glamour of IPL, the one thing that didn’t change was the battery of bad commentators on TV. We still had the same old grumps who shouted ‘good shot’ when there was a boundary or a six. We know it was a good shot damn it. Why can’t these guys analyze the game at a more strategic and tactical level. These guys need to take a crash course under a Richie Benaud, a Bill Lawry, a Barry Richards or a Michael Holding. Till then it would pay to watch cricket on T.V with the mute button on!

17. I didn’t check the statistics. But I bet there were far fewer no balls. Thanks to the free hit rider. It’s good for the bowlers and for the bowling team; these free hits have put the fear of God in the bowlers. If we are serious about cutting down the wides as well, we now know a simple solution. A free hit for every wide bowled!

18. Surprisingly, the coaches were conspicuous in IPL with their low profile. Nobody seemed to talk about the coach of the IPL teams! Wonder why! In fact, how many of us know who coached Mumbai Indians or, for that matter, Delhi Dare Devils.

19. Bartering would be allowed from season 3. Which means, Mathew Hayden can leave Chennai Super Kings and move to Bangalore Royal Challengers while Shaun Marsh can leave Punjab Kings and migrate to Hyderabad Deccan Chargers. The point is, when that happens, what happens then? Would the fans be loyal to their team or would they keep shifting loyalties?

20. Lastly, do you really think 20-20 is here to stay? Do you honestly think we would like to watch the ball being belted over the park three times an over? Will we continuously cheer when the ball crashes to the fence every other delivery? Wouldn’t the game get too predictable? Won’t we get bored of this slam bam thank you mam very soon? Then what happens? Will be shift to ODI, or even better, to Test cricket?

Rangarajan alias Sujatha

Tens of stage plays. Lots of film scripts. Hundreds of novels. More than 200 short stories. Thousands of articles. Millions of fans.

One author – Rangarajan alias Sujatha.

A man who needs no introduction to my Tamil friends – wherever they are. A man, even at the ripe old age of 72, can still write in a style and manner that endears him to a teenager. The generation of the 60s and 70s grew up reading his works. My generation – the 80s – grew up loving his writing. This current generation is growing up enamored with his brilliance. I can’t think of another author who can endear himself to more than three generation of fans and continue to be as prolific and as dazzling!

Who can forget his series, ‘Srirangathu Devathaigal’ – an astounding account of his school days in small town Srirangam in the 50s – where he grew up. Every story in it, every word in it brought to the reader their memories of childhood, about the glory days gone by. I am unashamed, the hell, even proud to say that I would have read that book a thousand times. And I would continue to read it every time I wish to go back to my teens!

Sujatha was also instrumental in developing the Electronic Voting Machine in the 80s. He has also been closely associated with some of the best names in the film industry - developing scripts for them or helping them develop one.

Now, why am I talking about Sujatha here – especially this being my first post in this blog?

The genius who breathed modernity and excitement into Tamil literature, an author par excellence who made me read his books with bated breath - breathed his last, late last night.

I feel like I lost a part of me.

The least I thought I could do, was to submit this piece as a mark of respect to the man who influenced me in more ways than one.

May his soul rest in peace.